I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I deserve this hangover.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
