I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
