the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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