he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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