We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
