if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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