Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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