also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
