Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
