Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
