i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
