Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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