The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
