Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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