Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
