Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Are my feet made of real feet?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
