is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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