the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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