While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
