Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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