I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize