Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Buhtt sex?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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