I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
