They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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