This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
