I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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