I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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