I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
