You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
