Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
