I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
