I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
