if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
