I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
