For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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