Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
