mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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