He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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