Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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