OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I skipped work to stalk him.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
