I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
