he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
