i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
