i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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