You work out of a Hotel?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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