I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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