can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
