TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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