This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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