this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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