And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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