he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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