Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
