I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My dick has a subreddit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
