having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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