her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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