After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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