dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
