Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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