You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize