i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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