this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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