your thong is hanging out like whoa
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
