There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
