having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
