theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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