can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
