btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
