I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
