Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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