Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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