U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
