he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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