he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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