youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My cat gives me a boner
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
