Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
