Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
