i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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