we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
