Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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