3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
