If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
