so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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