a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And then he peed in my hair
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
