your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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