we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
